My daughter has always been very independent. She had a normal childhood with the usual friends, events, nothing traumatic that I know of. She’s a pretty girl with a funny personality and is very bright.
The issue is, she’s 18 and has been on only two dates. She shows no interest in forming any sort of romantic relationship. She’s never had a boyfriend, though many boys have expressed interest in her. She says she’s not gay and has commented on good looking guys. I don’t know what to think. Do you?
Dear Wondering Mom:
Whatever her reasons, you would be making a mistake to push her in any direction she doesn’t feel ready for, or make her uncomfortable about being the way she is. ~Abby
Okay, I’ll go with Abby on this one. However, I have a few more words for the mom.
Do you judge the worth of your daughter’s life by whether she has a boyfriend? If so you are a psychopath that needs to have her mothering license removed. She is EIGHTEEN for the love of God! The last thing she needs to have is a boyfriend who might distract her from living life like only an 18 year old can. And she certainly doesn’t need a boyfriend to prove she is straight or a well rounded, healthy young woman.
There are these things; they’re called FRIENDS. There’s this other thing, it’s called AN EDUCATION. I promise you planet earth will not run out of men when your daughter is ready to date or pursue a family or whatever she doesn’t have on her mind right now.
I hardly dated at all –like almost never—during high school and college (do NOT get me started on the mothers who think it’s adorable that their 13 year old daughter has a boyfriend) and yet I’ve been married now for 28 years (to the same guy) and have two fabulous children—neither of whom have dated much to speak of—and guess what? They’re both in grad school. They have phenomenal roommates and classmates. They are highly respected by their professors. They each have part time jobs and help pay tuition.
They have the most loyal, smart, fun and engaging friends—of both sexes. They are the happiest they’ve ever been in their lives. Neither is currently dating anyone. They are happy and healthy and normal human beings. They don’t kick puppies. They recycle. They donate to charity. They call their grandparents. They say, I love you to their parents.
So, Wondering Mom. Shut it. And go get some serious therapy.
~Undercover Advice Columnist