December Birthday Guidelines

Tree decorated. Menorah lit. Snow, frantic shopping and incessant bell ringing, check. Now, what have me missed? Right. Birthdays. Birthdays still happen in December.

I’ve yet to figure out what’s so romantic about the month of Marpril, but obviously enough to create an entire long suffering population of December Birthday Babies.  (DBBs) Don’t believe me?  Pop over to Facebook and click on, “Caroline, Rachel and 17 more friends have birthdays today! Scroll down through that list then read the next list: “Upcoming Birthdays”. Keep strolling. Go ahead. I’ll wait….

Oh hi! You’re back. I just poured my 3rd coffee. THAT many friends, really? You had no idea people were actually born in December?  Or might want to have one special day a year just like you do? What? You don’t want to look bad or hurt someone’s feelings? No problem; I’m here to help. Let’s review the easy rules for celebrating or acknowledging a December Birthday.

1. NEVER EVER wrap a December birthday gift in Christmas/holiday/Hanukkah wrapping paper. Then Vote to Ban the Legal Use of Christmas Paper for December Birthdays!

2. NEVER EVER give a Combo Birthday-Christmas-Hanukkah Gift. Unless it’s a new car. Or a crazy over priced new refrigerator. Unless a DBB specifically asks for a giant, expensive, appealing to your guilt Combo-gift, Don’t. Do. It. (Young children are especially scarred by this. Ask my therapist. Or my husband.)

3. NEVER EVER write this in your family holiday card: “And happy birthday too!” Your birthday is in September? How many cards have you gotten that say, “And Merry Christmas too!”?wp-1449506259169.jpg

4. NEVER EVER give a DBB a holiday-themed gift. No Christmas tree ornaments. No snowman wine bottle toppers. No holiday wreath emblazoned kitchen towel. Basically, nothing that is only found in the stores during the month of December. Your birthday is in April? How many ornaments did you get this year?

5. NEVER EVER post on a December Birthday Baby’s Facebook wall, “Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays and say hi to Earl, your mom and the family for me! I’m bringing the ham to Aunt Jennie’s this year what are you bringing again?”

6. And NEVER EVER say, “Here’s your gift a week early otherwise I’ll forget (insert rambling dialogue of how busy they are with so many other important people and activities and vacation plans whew!)”

Got it? Great. Now, I suggest you download a copy of this to your phone for easy referral when you’re out shopping or posting to Facebook while standing in line while shopping. Share it with your friends, family and well-meaning peoples who acknowledge birthdays. You’ll never feel bad again. And you might just save another DBB from another hour with their therapist.

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